What do these stones mean? 

[by Sister Mary Corita Kent]

“Have I not commanded you? Be strong and courageous. Do not be afraid; do not be discouraged, for the LORD your God will be with you wherever you go.”   _{[Joshua 1:9]}

I am diligently journeying through the Bible in a year, and I just read about the time Joshua leads the Israelites into the Promised Land. I feel like Joshua right now in this season of life — on the precipice of a land flowing with milk and honey, a land ripe with God’s promises blooming, budding forth. I was just again encouraged yesterday by the Lord — this time, through the children at our church. It was Special Kids-led ministry day, my most favorite day of the year, and at one of the prayer stations I received an arrow with one word written on it: “Courageous.” It was prayerfully selected by a boy named “Theo,” no older than 8 years. Last year, a child had given me a little red envelope with a sticker of a heart on it, and inside, a single card with the word “Courage” written on it. Yes, Lord, I hear you loud and clear. 

I’ve been thinking of all the ways the Lord has encouraged me up to this point in my life. And when I have moments of doubt, anxiety, struggle, I must remember to look back on all He has already done. When the Israelites have to cross the Jordan with the ark of the covenant, God stops the waters from flowing to make a dry pass for them, as He did for the previous generation through the Red Sea. He then commands Joshua to command twelve appointed men — one from each tribe — to retrieve a stone from the dry river bed and to set up a memorial forever in Gilgal. It was to be a sign to their children of what the Lord had done — “so that all the peoples of the earth may know that the hand of the Lord is mighty, that you may fear the LORD your God forever.” (Joshua 4: 24) 

We must look back and remember all the Lord has done for us on our personal journeys with Him to that destined Promised Land. We must set up memorial stones. Yes, we have times in the wilderness. Yes, we have times of doubt and struggle. But there is triumph. There is the Promised Land, and there is a place already prepared for us there. God is God, and He will no doubt continue to do what only He can do. Because He is God, and He doesn’t change. Because He has called me, has chosen me, I know He will never ever leave my side. What He has started He is faithful to finish, and He will never ever leave us nor forsake us. That is His promise to us, His children. Let us continue to tell ourselves — and our children — of all He has done. 

Tomorrow, my husband and I are finally going to release a film we finished exactly one year ago. Why we never released it until now, I don’t know, but I sense the time has finally come. This film is a sort of memorial stone I suppose, and the story of how it was made is a reminder of how mighty His hand truly is. A little over a year ago, God invited us to make a film for an iPhone film festival, and when I say the invitation came from Him you will see why as you read on. Now, this doesn’t seem like a big deal, to make an iPhone film for a festival, but there has been such enormous fruit since saying “Yes” to His invitation - namely, the emergence of a calling and a mission, which are beginning to take shape.

It all started with another invitation - to a church friend’s birthday party. I so easily could’ve made a million excuses why I couldn’t make it, but I had this feeling that I needed to be there. So, with my six-month-old in tow, I showed up thirty minutes late to a very noisy, crowded restaurant on a Sunday night, thinking, “This is crazy, I shouldn’t be here.” After getting final reassurance that babies were totally welcome, I shimmied past the hostess stand and crowded bar and squeezed my way to the only available seat - next to another woman from church who I hadn’t met yet. With baby hidden and happily nursing beneath my shawl, she and I immediately hit it off. When she mentioned an iPhone film festival coming up (her film had won the previous year’s grand prize), I immediately got excited, and when she said the theme was “Wonder,” I just knew it was God’s will. He had been speaking to me about wonder for many months. My mind was also flooded with fond memories of filmmaking and festivals in my old life B.C. - before Christ. Architecture school had led to modeling, which had led to acting, which had eventually led to filmmaking.

But when I said “Yes” to Jesus, I allowed many of my old passions to fall to the wayside. Just now am I reflecting on this and the reasons behind it. There probably were a number of factors - I was so busy learning about and growing in my faith that I didn’t have time for creative projects, I was trying to die to myself (whatever that meant - maybe it meant abandoning all the things I did prior to conversion - I wasn’t quite sure), and/or I had assumed that my old life and ways were simply not compatible with the Way, with His Way - maybe I was supposed to just become a nun or something?

I think at the heart of it “filmmaker” was an identity that was tangled up in my old self - a self that was very messy and confused and broken, a self on which it was painful to look back. The last film I made right before I was saved was born out of a desperate, dark time in my life. It is true that when you are missing out on the perfect love of your Heavenly Father, you go searching for something resembling it in all the wrong places and of course you end up falling short (because we know that nothing can compare to His love). I was in a very odd - some would say inappropriate - relationship, and we edited the film together. (I had shot all the footage by myself with my iPhone ironically.) I recently rewatched it for the first time since it was made, and while I think there are many beautiful cinematic moments, what stands out most is the sad lonely girl lost on screen. But thank God I am no longer that girl. Thank God that girl has been found! 

It was the time of Covid, and I was desperate for meaning. I was desperate to find a reason to get up every day. I began to create as a means of escape from the dark reality I was facing. I would get high early in the day and just start shooting - whatever came to mind, whatever I felt like doing that day. It was spontaneous. My objective was to cinematically capture my life during the lockdown. I had been watching a lot of French New Wave films ever since the pandemic had begun, and "Jeanne Dielman” was the direct inspiration for the project. Static shots of a woman simply existing inside her home - I could do that. I had to keep myself busy or I would go crazy. 

Rewatching the film - it’s more like a home movie - I now can see God’s hand reaching out to me, even orchestrating the shots. I mean, when I was creating, I must’ve been creating with Him, right - the Original Creator - even if I wasn’t conscious of it? There are some beautiful shots - shots where the sun had to be in just the right position for the light to have that certain quality and effect - these are things of which I was certainly unaware at the time. There is even a scene in which a song playing in the background (“Can’t Hardly Wait” by the Replacements) makes reference to Jesus Christ Himself! The lyrics go, “Jesus rides beside me,” and He certainly was then and is now. I am reading a book right now about faith and art by Madeleine L'Engle, and she writes, “Christ has always worked in ways which have seemed peculiar to many men, even his closest followers. Frequently the disciples failed to understand him. So we need not feel that we have to understand how he works through artists who do not consciously recognize him. Neither should our lack of understanding cause us to assume that he cannot be present in their work.”

I have always been an artist because that is who God made me to be. I am made in His image, made to create images with Him that aim to reflect His image. While I may have let those passions for filmmaking die, I thank God that He is in the business of resurrecting. I see now how He is reclaiming my interests, my gifts for His Kingdom purposes. He is breathing new life into them, into me, and now I can consciously partner with Him in the glorious act of creation. And, wow, it is such a joy to create with our Creator! May all our future films be memorial stones of His mighty hand, of His mighty love and faithfulness.